Dear Nana: The One Where It All Started

Dear Nana, 

Although you probably can't recall, yet I still clearly remember the very first day I met you. The memories are very clear I was so stunned at your cute bangs back then (seriously, for real I was). It was one very hot and nerve-wracking day for it was the first time I stepped into college and had to be interviewed for the whole campus orientation related stuffs. My mind was blank, yet excited, yet scared, yet somewhat I was very sure that I'd be getting one cool experience I won't forget. 

Long story short, back then it had never crosses my mind that I'll ended up having a very good friendship with you someday. I swear to God, YOU were one of the most jutek seniors among all, it scared me in the same time it amused me. I mean, it's not that you were being evil or just had to perform a role of the bad-cop guy, you know. You talked to me, you led me, you told me things I should do as a freshman. It's just, you NEVER smiled during the whole Campus Orientation activities, not even a tiny flinch of curvy lips. You had this straight, cool, eyebrow-raised expression on your face and you kept it the whole day. And honestly, I was afraid of you. (HEY DO NOT LAUGH AT ME, YOU EVILLY DEVILLY ACTRESS!)

Yes, in the end, I finally knew it was all just mere an act for the sake of Ospek and you have a very gorgeous smile you should know that. 

I was probably too astonished by your appearance as an evil senior so I was scared to talk to you even when all the orientation thingy were ended. I found that we were on the same class and I had this curiosity thought of what kind of person you are as a friend, not as Teteh Nana. But still, I didn't know why I was probably too shy to take the initiation of starting conversation with you especially I am originally a very passive and awkward person. And then one day you were the one who started it. The very first conversation of us, friend-to-friend wise. 

"Bung, lo juga ambil Kreatives Schreiben A kan ya? Bareng dong. Di mana sih kelasnya? Eh plis gausah panggil gue Teteh ya, geuleuh."

March the 13th, 2013

This will be the day I'll remember for the rest of my life.
The day I saw you sleeping peacefully with the sheer white veil on top of your face. You looked so pretty, my dear, so beautiful. You had been always become my definition of beauty.

Everything's blurry. Like it was a dream. Like it was a vivid scene of a fantasy movie that everyone knows it can't be true. Or maybe this just something I refuse to believe in.


Oh the memories inside my head....


Do you remember the way we always sat at the corner right table of the classroom, just because it's the farthest distance from the teacher's seat?
Do you remember your old Nokia 7650 that we used to take all those embarrassing selfies?
Do you remember how we were always teamed up together to make your english essays homework?
Do you remember the way we were passing those cheating paper during exam and how we tried to recite all those cities on the map before facing our cruel Geography teacher?
Do you remember how we secretly competed each other for the best result in the class? And how we ended up switching ranks and comforting each other by the end of the day.
Do you remember our secret plan to sneak out of the class every time we were bored? And on how we collected those Amal Jumat money from the entire class just to walk out of the classroom and feel the breezing wind outside?

I still remember the way you talked about your boyfriends.
I still remember your secret affairs and the way you regretted it right after.
I still remember the history of your love life, timeline, kaleidoscope, and what you thought about each and every one of them.
I still remember clearly your handwriting and how you twirled your hand using those colored pen.
I still remember the way you laughed out loud and the way your chin sharpened every time you smile.
I still remember your quirkiness and I still hate the fact that you were so lazy to comb your hair.
I still remember the scent of your old purple room, those pretty wallpapers, that giant Elmo doll, and the banana telephone which has the loudest tone ever.
And oh my, I can't even believe that I still able to recite your phone numbers, Dar. All your phone numbers from three different providers. :')

Oh those things are still lingering on my mind, even until now. This very second. God, I miss you, I miss you now, then, and forever. I miss you already.

It breaks my heart that I have to face my life knowing that you're gone. You're gone too soon, sweetheart. Too soon.

Yet. I know you're going to a better place, a place that will embrace your beauty and kindness. A place that suits you the most for you're as beautiful as an angel. No, you are an angel to me. You always are. And you are the most beautiful angel up there, I believe.

You always stood out of all people by your cute character and your big heart, those of us who got to know you were very lucky for having crossed paths with you, you now have God by your side.

I know you're no longer here, but please be okay with the fact that you'll always be in my heart and I won't let those memories of you disappear. I love you, my dear.

Rest in peace, Amandara Zahra. 17/08/89 - 13/03/13

Heaven must be an even better place now with the sound of your quirky laughter :')

Untitled Post Again

......gw yakin kalo lo kuat disana & sooner or later lo pasti bakal bisa nemuin cara untuk enjoy your life there. Lo disana karena keputusan lo sndiri, jadi jangan mundur bung, walupun cuma satu langkah. Stay tough, lo bukan cewe yang lemah, so jangan lemahkan dirimu. Gimanapun beratnya nanti yang lo hadapin yakin aja klo lo pasti bs ngelwatinnya & lo pastinya nanti juga akan meraih banyak pengalaman berharga.......

(Ahmad Radinal, bei e-mail am 10.07.09 17:36 Uhr)

This is what I called a 'true friendship'. No matter how far we are, he always has the ability to support me and let me put my head on his shoulder. I thank you so much, Ceng, for always be 'here' ..